School?

It's official. I have found my spot for devotions in New Zealand. It's in a little courtyard right outside my room, but it's to the side where nobody really goes so it's pretty secretive

making it a lot cooler, obviously.

This morning Brent started the group off with a reading for devos at breakfast, and it was from Psalm 121, which talks about looking to the hills, to the Lord, for help, for He alone is the Maker of heaven and earth. And I'm gonna be honest, I really didn't take the Psalm well while 

He was reading. I have had trouble sleeping for over a year now, never feeling

fully rested or safe. The devil has really attacked me in this area, and it has been torture. So when Brent

read that I was like, "okay, that's awesome, and I'm sure He does protect me sometimes, but why didn't He those few times while I was sleeping so I wouldn't have to be afraid all the time now?" When I was alone I really started wrestling with this with the Lord. I'm embarrassed to think how honest I was   about it with Him.

It's been a huge struggle for a whole year now, where is my victory?? Even here in New Zealand

I have a room to myself and every night I dread sleep a little. 

I read through Psalm 121 again just making sure I didn't miss something when Brent read it, some part that said, "but sometimes things happen".

Of course it didn't, it just kept repeating PROTECTOR PROTECTOR. I was still struggling.

Then I glanced across the page to Psalm 125, and I can't remember exactly what it said, 

but it was about Israel remembering how the Lord had protected her, 

and how if He hadn't her enemies could have swallowed her whole with how great their anger was against her. And that verse hit me in the gut.

I'm still here. I've learned so much through this sleeping issue.

It could've have been so much worse. Who am I to say that the Lord doesn't protect me every night, and that's the ONLY reason I am here today reading His word in New Zealand.

This revelation obviously didn't solve everything, but it did push me back into a childlike spirit.

He is my Protector

My Shelter

My Comfort

My Rest

"The Lord gives sleep to those He loves"

That was in a Psalm somewhere :)

Anyway, school started today, and it's safe to say, that I am not ready to work yet.

Everyone else is over achieving and reading books and writing journals in advance, and here I am, napping and playing soccer tennis. I'll get to that stuff later

So if you want to pray for me, my biggest things would be sleeping through the night, and developing a diligent spirit and better work ethic, while enjoying being here :)